Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
