Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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