I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
