If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
