: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
