If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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