dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
