i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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