He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
