And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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