Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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