God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
