Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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