So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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