I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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