Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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