Someone shit on the floor
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
