he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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