butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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