Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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