She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
