if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
