Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
