Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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