hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
