Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
