I bet he comes in French.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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