A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
