so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
