You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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