You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
