This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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