I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
