haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You can't motorboat a personality
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
