u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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