whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
