The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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