I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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