can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
