Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
