I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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