More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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