I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
