so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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