The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
