My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
