did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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