The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
