apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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