sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
