JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
