it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
