she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
