ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
