i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
