Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
