fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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