I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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