My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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