So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
