I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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