Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize