I skipped work to stalk him.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
