so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
